How To Cope With Change While Being On God's Black List

I am a professional at watching the sun slowly dip into the horizon. There have been times that I raced to the highest place possible so that I could see just a few more minutes of the sun. Every time I have watched the sun's wild display of colors as it sets in the evening, I am always amazed at how quickly the whole sky changes.

The sunset is never the same and we enjoy the changes in colors each day.

Like the sunset, life is filled with changes and nothing is ever the same no matter how hard we wish it to be or try to force it. This lesson of change is still something I struggle with constantly.

I find peace in the same old things. Is that bad? I keep asking myself if it is bad to be satisfied with the lack of change because for seven years my life has been filled with it. Most of the changes have been unwanted and I'm pretty sure I complained and whined during them all.

Connie Sky said, "Embrace change. True success can be defined by your ability to adapt to changing circumstances." Well, I have pondered her sentiments for a very long time and wondered if I held myself back by my reluctance to embrace changes. That possibility is really hard for me to wrap my mind around.

Am I my own worst enemy?

After much soul searching and contemplation, I believe that I know exactly why I resist change. Here is my bold revelation...I don't want to be hurt.

Earth shattering isn't it?

Many times people have talked about change and fear, but I really didn't think it applied to me. Let me just say, I WAS SO WRONG!

My fear of the unknown fills me with so much anxiety that sometimes I am paralyzed into inaction. The possibility of pain is almost too much for me to bear. I have actually missed out on wonderful opportunities because of my hesitation in the face of change.

When my life completely fell apart during the last year, I had no power to stop any of the events that took place. I even lost the ability to control my own mind while experiencing PTSD flashbacks. During it all, I felt like I was floundering like a fish laying on the river bank without water. Suffocation was imminent and I couldn't see any way out of the peril.

I kept thinking through all the pain that I must be a really bad person and that God didn't love me very much. I started telling family and friends that I was on God's black list. Thinking that my Creator found me less than desirable only added to my sadness and inability to cope.

What have I learned?

• People I love are going to die and it is going to be very painful. When they are gone, a piece of me will forever be missing.

• Everyone has the freedom to make their own choices and the right to completely ignore me even if I actually offer good advice.

• Just because people are in a family doesn't mean that they will be there for you when you hit the bottom. Sometimes they are so consumed with their own lives and problems that they are incapable of helping you and others just don't care.

• Some people are selfish and ungrateful and no matter what you do or say, they will always be selfish and ungrateful.

• Our body and health are temporary.

• No one knows what will happen in a minute, hour, month or year. Live in the moment and enjoy as many as humanly possible.

• Life is short. No. Life is very, very short.

• I am important.

• It takes two to save a relationship. I can't save it all alone. In order for a relationship to grow, love has to be a verb more often than at Thanksgiving and Christmas.
  

• I am a very loving and unselfish person. I have given and sacrificed a lot for the people I love and even if they don't appreciate it, the sacrifices helped to positively mold my character.

• I have regrets, but dwelling on them will not ever change the situation.

• I have been hurt and am still hurt, but one thing is for sure...eventually the pain will end.
  

• Never give up on yourself.
  

• I love my blog. Alright. I know that was very random and probably made you read it twice, but I love my blog because it has become my friend. It listens. It doesn't judge me. It is always there whenever I need it. My blog makes me feel better.

I have several big unpleasant things I have to do over the next year and there are rumors of another big layoff at my work again too. So I am just trying to do my best each day, remain positive and keep happiness in my life.

One thing I know for sure...I have definitely changed and things that were beautiful before are even more beautiful now. Do you know what is the best of all? I have hope again. Maybe it is just a little bit, but it is a whole lot more hope than I had two years ago.


"We must accept finite disappointment,
but we must never lose infinite hope.~Martin Luther King, Jr.~





Now, the time we have all been waiting for...(drum roll) This is the weekly post where I spotlight my Rockin' Friends who are the Top Nine active participants and loyal followers in my community which has THE BEST people in the world! If you want to be mentioned here next week, then all it takes is to come in and start chatting with everyone in my community.

Below are a few discussions going on in my community :

• Favorite Christmas movie?


• What Can I Say? I'm A Post Counter Diva! --- (56,892 comments)


• Yes or No to Flu shots?


• If you could have anything...


• Orange you...


• Either Or- New Game


• Giveaway sponsors for your blog (go on, take 'em)


• Do you wear headbands? ponytails?


• It's the same thing every year!

With a big, heartfelt thank you for their participation and friendship, here are the Rockin' Friends this week in order of most participation.

• Katlupe at Homesteading On The Internet


• Joan at Rich Beyond My Wildest Dreams


• Marlene at Marlene's Many Hats


• Meg at Mergie


• Pam (no blog)


• Teresa Wilkinson ~ The Storyteller


• Mama Penguin at Keeper of the Penguins


• Paula at The Wandering Hearth


• PJ at PJ's Prayer Line

I'm so glad that I've been able to become friends with these wonderful people who are so active in my community. I encourage you to add their blogs to your blogroll, but also come over and chat with us in my community.

For everyone mentioned in the top nine this week, feel free to grab the Rockin' Friend badge below and thank you for your participation!!



<a href="http://www.theredheadriter.com" target="_blank"><img style="width: 150px; height: 150px;" border="0" alt="Rockin' Friends" title="Rockin' Friends" src="http://i622.photobucket.com/albums/tt308/TheRedHeadRiter/2009%20TEMPLATE/69015f9c.jpg"/></a>
Until next week...Kiss your family, hug your friends and don't forget to be the friend you would like to have around.

Woo Us To Your Blog

As always, attached is the weekly Linky to enter either the main URL to your site or add each post you publish throughout the week. You don't have to do anything special, just drop your link in and get a little extra exposure to your site.

Tweet

Just On The Other Side Of The Gate

How does that side of the gate look to you?

Driving back from Williamsburg on my monthly jaunt to get my hair cut, I decided to take the "back roads" home. Actually, it is a very beautiful scenic route and I often soak up peace while on the drive.

I need peace.

Calmness that I can absorb through meditation, prayer and nature.

About halfway home, I saw a dirt road on the right. There wasn't a soul in sight, so I slowed to a crawl and then swiftly turned into the lane. There was a beautiful red barn on the right and a field of bright green. I'm sure my mother can tell me what the crop was without even seeing the a picture of it.

Anyway, up ahead a little way and on the right I could see two fence posts. I didn't see the gate, so I figured that meant it was probably open. I eventually pulled in front of the opening and just gasped. Out here in the middle of no where stood the perfect home.

Directly through the rust colored gate and tall fence post of the same color was a deep blue, medium sized pond. In the corner of the pond was a deck-like-pier or a pier-like-deck. All around the pound was bright green grass, bushes and flowers. After walking through the gate, but not quite to the pond, stood a double wood swing facing the house and pond. The house itself was cute and very much a Virginia style home with pink Dogwood trees blooming throughout the lawn and surrounding forest. I could even see the American flag waving behind the house on the left.

I rolled down the window of the car and listened...to nothing.

It was totally silent except for an occasional bird tweeting.

I had obviously been holding my breath in wonderment and just then slowly let it out. My whole body began to relax. I felt as if I had walked up to the gates of Heaven.

Sitting there for a long time just soaking in the feeling of county all around and the perfect little home, thoughts flooded my mind and I remembered what someone told me many years ago.

"You have the perfect life."

At the time, I was the General Manager of a hotel, working 60-80 hours a week, a single mother, stressed to the max and very lonely. I guess I was good at "faking" happiness while at work, so I didn't let on otherwise and the person was none the wiser. It wasn't, however, the perfect life.

The Facade

Somewhere along the way between then and now, I lost the facade of a perfect life. I personally think I look a bit beaten down and my concealer doesn't really conceal the black circles that seem to be a permanent part of my face now. I also complain...to myself...all the time.

I don't think that is doing anything positive to boost my morale.

My life is here in the dirt road and just on the other side of the gate is a good life. The grass is actually greener on the other side of the fence because there isn't any grass at all on this side. I feel as if I'm running out of time to "get it right."

While staring at the beautiful home, I thought of Elizabeth Taylor, Patrick Swayze, Michael Jackson and Princess Diana...their lives are over. If they didn't get it right, it is too late to do it now, but it isn't too late for me nor is it too late for you.

Bad things do happen to good people, but so do good things.

I've had a whole bunch of good things happen to me and my extended family even during the turmoil of the last two years. Some of the good things were actually meshed with the bad things, so it is all mixed up. For instance, my dad was diagnosed with cancer and two months later, he died. However, he only suffered for two months instead of years like so many others who eventually are confined to beds and wither away.

Do you understand what I'm trying to say? Dad's passing could have been so much worse. Granted, dying isn't something we look forward to most of the time, but he suffered bravely and died with dignity.

What kind of message am I projecting?

Am I living with dignity?

I want my gravel road of a life to turn into a house surrounded by green grass, a deep blue pond and beautiful flowers. It is hard work. Anyone who has gone to therapy intent on "getting better" knows that the experience is not a passive appointment with meaningless chatter. In order to heal and/or change, it requires a completely open mind and heart. Unfortunately, that also means a plethora tears, pain and hard choices. On the flip side, I have to be patient with myself since my enemy PTSD seems to follow me everywhere that I go.

How To Change

There are a few basic steps in obtaining a change. If you can do the first one, I truly believe that is half the battle won.

• Admit that you need to change - This has to be the first step. Without recognizing the need to change, you can not fathom what it takes to make the change.
  
• Accept yourself as you are now - You've made mistakes. Big deal. I have made mistakes. My mother has made mistakes. My neighbor has made mistakes. The President has made mistakes. Okay, that was supposed to be funny.
  
• Write down the changes you want to make happen - You learned how to write in kindergarten or first grade, so I know that you have this skill. Write it down or type it down...up...where ever! Just get the thoughts into words and put them down on paper in one way or another. If you don't write it, you are not committed to attaining it.
  
• Dream big and without limitations - Why not? People succeed every day at things they were told couldn't be done. Remember Willard Wigan? Okay then! Don't ever say something is impossible, because Willard is proof that all things are possible.
  

"If you hear a voice within you say
'you cannot paint,'
then by all means paint,
and that voice will be silenced."
~Vincent van Gogh~

• Allow for weakness and mistakes - You are not perfect nor will you ever be perfect, so just accept it.
  
• Seek help whether it be friends for moral support or a psychologist for mental health
• See yourself changed and shove the negative thoughts out with that picture of accomplishment
• Take one step at a time - You can't eat an elephant of a problem in one bite.
  
• Don't stop taking steps - Definitely keep taking steps because that is how you are going to get on the other side of the gate.

"This one step -
choosing a goal and
sticking to it
- changes everything."
~ Scott Reed~

Life is not easy for most people and we are all passing each other in every direction. Don't waste your life pining over all that you do not have and have not done. Do something. Change something. Motivate yourself. Stand tall even if you are short (wink) You can succeed at having your dreams come true and live a life of happiness.

It can and will happen if you want it...really want it.

Are you standing on the dirt road wishing to be just on the other side of the gate?

What are you doing to change your position?








Share

Tweet

Snow, Change, Family and Friends

When it gets cold outside, bears hibernate. What exactly is "hibernation" anyway? According to Webster's Dictionary, hibernate means to "pass the winter in a torpid or resting state" and "to be or become inactive or dormant."

With this metabolic depression in animals such as bears, their bodies slow down and they are said to "sleep through the winter" living on the fat they stored in the months preceding the hibernation. This is how the species survive since deep snow would impede their success at obtaining enough food to thrive.

Ahhh, snow.

Yesterday afternoon when we started on our journey to my sister's house for Christmas dinner, it had started to snow tiny little flurries that eventually turned into large flakes...that continued to fall through the rest of the evening...and all night long...and all day today. Obviously, being the girl who could live in flannel forever, I have been quite happy. I look out the window and I see...

snow falling, blowing and stacking up a little at a time.





I see enough snow to make footprints.

Those steps in the snow make me think about life.

Often, life is a struggle. Depending on our attitude and personality, we either breeze through it with flying colors, trudge through it with great success or cry and complain through it with eventual success or failure. So many events are completely out of our control. That one fact could be the lesson we are meant to learn - we can only control our actions and attitudes through the changes.

Change is inevitable.

Attitude is adjustable.

Growth is intentional.

"All changes,
even the most longed for,
have their melancholy;
for what we leave behind us
is a part of ourselves;
we must die to one life
before we can enter another."
~Anatole France~

Lately, I have been dying in one life.

Stuck in the dying.

Actually, it has been beyond my control and I have been desperately fighting to get through it with a semblance of success.

I'm not the only one.

I actually found a little comfort yesterday after my family gathering. When we arrived home it was snowing up a storm and I was feeling such a relief that the whole Christmas experience was over. Never have I felt this way about a holiday - most especially Christmas. Of course, that brought about a bit of guilt for feeling that way.

Anyway, shortly after arriving home, the phone rang and it was my mother. Christmas is and always has been Mom's favorite day of the year. She talked in her light and happy way about the snow, delicious food and her love for her family. Then she said, "I'm so glad Christmas is over."

I almost gasped, but I didn't want her to hear me so I didn't make a sound. I couldn't believe that Mrs. Christmas herself was glad that the holiday experience was over for 2010. Suddenly, I felt better and less like Mr. Grinch. I almost felt that I had permission not to feel guilty any more. If Santa's main Mrs. was relieved at the end of the day, I could be too!

Today I focused on relaxing.

My daughter cleaned her room SPOTLESSLY. I know she is seventeen years old but she cleaned. Seriously! She removed every poster on the wall, folded and hung every piece of clothing, changed her sheets, added a new bed skirt, moved the furniture, vacuumed, scrubbed her carpet, threw out trash, and the list just goes on and on. All the while, I sat watching the snow, surfing the internet, kissing on Bella, eating yummy food, talking to Turtle and thinking.

I thought a lot about how I must focus on healing my heart, mind and soul. It has been a rough year for me and many others I'm sure. We owe it to ourselves to find the peace and healing we need.

"The footprints you leave behind
will influence others.
There is no person who at
some time,
somewhere,
somehow,
does not lead another."

Have you thought about the new year looming ahead? What are you going to do for yourself?







This is the weekly post where I spotlight my Rockin' Friends who are the Top Nine active participants and loyal followers in my community! If you want to be mentioned here next week, then all it takes is to come in and start chatting with everyone in my community.

With a big thank you for their participation and friendship, here are the top three Rockin' Friends by category of achievement:







I'm so glad that I've been able to get to know and build friendships with all these lovely ladies as they have become active in my community and by reading their blogs. Be sure to add each of their blogs to your blogroll, but also come over and chat with them in my community.

For everyone mentioned in the top nine this week, feel free to grab the Rockin' Friend badge below and thank you for your participation!!




<a href="http://theredheadriter.blogspot.com" target="_blank"><img border="0" alt="Rockin' Friends" title="Rockin' Friends" src="http://i622.photobucket.com/albums/tt308/TheRedHeadRiter/2009%20TEMPLATE/69015f9c.jpg" /></a>

Until the spotlight next week...Happy Chatting Rockin' Friends!

Don't forget to add your blog URL to the comments at Woo Us To Your Blog and learn blogging tips that will help you have a polished blog and to increase your traffic! This week it is all about owning your own domain! Did you know the going rate for 2010 is only $10 per year?

Until next week...Kiss your family, hug your friends and don't forget to be the friend you would like to have around.

Share

Tweet

Making The Right Choice And Living With The Consequences

Each day presents opportunities to make choices that will change our lives forever. I hear you saying, "Not in my life," but I guarantee you it happens in your life too.

When I was young, my mother picked out the clothes I would wear for the day. I always found them in a neat little stack on my bed after I bathed. It was easy. Many years later, she insisted that I choose my own clothing for the day. You would have thought Mom had cut off my arm if you saw my reaction.

I cried.

Then I sobbed and complained.

Finally, I resorted to begging her to keep choosing my clothing for the day.

Looking back now it seems so silly, but I was seriously handicapped in making choices. Actually, I didn't want to suffer consequences. Only heaven knows how choosing the wrong outfit became such a dilemma and emotional stretch, but it did. Eventually, I found that having the freedom to choose my own clothes was truly a joy and not a horrible act of parental torture.

Wouldn't it be total bliss if all our choices were as easy as picking out the clothes we wanted to wear for the day?

The 5 Whys is a technique invented by Sakichi Toyoda, founder of Toyota, which is used to help make better decisions. When there is a problem, you ask "why" five times followed by an answer which ultimately will help lead to a solution. It goes something like this...

Problem: The can of Sprite exploded in the freezer.

Why? #1
I left it in the freezer too long.
Why? #2
I didn't remember it was in the freezer.
Why? #3
I didn't set a timer.
Why? #4
I was trying to rush back to the TV to watch the movie.
Why? #5
The movie had George Clooney in it!!!

Solution: I have to marry George Clooney.

Obviously, I'm obsessed.

Maybe I should try something else as the example...

Problem: My car won't start.

Why? #1
I ran out of gas.
Why? #2
I didn't go to the gas station this morning.
Why? #3
I was in a hurry to be on time to work.
Why? #4
I didn't want to get fired.
Why? #5
I need money to survive and support my family.

Solution: I will not procrastinate getting gas just because the fumes stink and the wind messes up my hair before I get to work.

So we started with a problem, worked our way through to the solution and discovered that pumping gas is for men and I didn't use enough hairspray if my hair was blowing in the wind.

The point is that we all must make choices and live with the consequences of those choices. Sometimes that is a wonderful experience and other times it is the worst of doom and gloom.

Regardless of whether you use the 5 Whys methodology to reach a decision or another process, the outcome of your decision will be of your choosing. Problems that affect your long term future should be contemplated and mulled over longer. The inability to see into the future often makes decision-making stressful.

Ultimately, your life is yours and my life is mine. Our choices will bring to pass results of one kind or another. Sometimes a choice will be taken from us, but we still have the freedom of choosing how we will react to the situation. For example...

Dad had lung cancer. He did not choose to have that disgustingly horrible disease. He did, however, choose not to have chemotherapy or radiation that would have only prolonged his life for a few months. Dad did not get into the middle of the experience and change his mind. He remained sure that the choice he made of not having treatment was the best choice for him, but more importantly, it was his decision. In the end, he died in two months instead of five months and after all the pain he suffered, I'm sure he made the right decision too.

I struggle with some decisions for a long time and often, if I'm quite honest, I appear to take too long for most people looking at me from the outside. There have been a few decisions that I consider to be rash that in the end, I have lived to regret. I think we all have a few of those in our past. All in all, I ponder things to death and completely explore all options before I make a huge decision. Actually, I drive myself crazy with the pros and cons running around in my head and through my heart.

"It is our choices
that show what we truly are,
far more than our abilities."

~Joanne Kathleen Rowling~

Remember, it is your life and you have to live with the decisions and consequences of those actions.

How do you reach a decision and what method do you go through to make wise choices? Do you use the 5 Whys?

Share

Tweet

Tell The Truth Thursday - Hard Lesson For Me!

Welcome to "Tell The Truth Thursday" where the question that has been posted in my right side bar gets answered by me and you...and sometimes my husband too! Did you prepare your post and are you ready to drop your URL into the Linky so that we all can follow? Grab the thumb above linking it back to this blog posting and let's get started...

The question this week is :

What is one of the most important lessons you've learned?

There is a prevailing theme in my life with one lesson that seems to repeat itself over and over again. I'm not sure if it is because I'm not getting it right or if it is just a fact of life for me and everyone else on this planet.

I shared a story about Alyssa not too long ago that I'm sure she doesn't like remembering, however, it explains the process and lessons she needed to learn in hopes that her life choices would be better.

I also wrote a post using one of my favorite movie pictures of two people in love on the same topic that I will share with you now.

If you do not have any struggles, hardships or trials in your life, then you are not growing and learning. That is just a simple fact. In order to progress in this life, one must go through a refiner's fire. That simply means that we have to be stripped of all our impurities and imperfections before we can become like a cut and polished diamond.

One of my greatest flaws is trying to circumvent that entire process. I try to go from totally rough to perfect in one step. It doesn't work that way! To try and trick the laws of nature, I sometimes think that I can change another person. When two people are married, it is often called nagging and I promise you, it just doesn't work.

When I pull onto the highway, I have to make one directional choice after the next in order to get to my desired final destination. All around me there are other drivers doing the same thing, but since they are going somewhere else, they are choosing different streets and turns. The same can be said for free agency. Everyone has it to use as they choose not as we choose for them.



I finally conceded a few years ago that I can only change me.

Just me.

Only me.

No one else except for me.

Guess what?

That stinks.

Because I can only change me, I have suffered pain and heartache since other people do not always make the best decisions. I don't always choose right either and that means that I also cause other people pain and heartache. It's just a vicious circle!

However vicious that circle might be, I know that I can not change anyone except me. That, my dear Riters and Readers was a very hard lesson to learn and one that I must constantly remind myself almost on a daily basis. Old habits and beliefs die hard and I think I will have to fight the aching desire to control everything forever.

Gracious me, I think that makes me a control freak!

*Sigh*

Now what?

Well, go back up to the red underlined words in this post and read the posts that pop up. I know you'll enjoy them. If you have written a post to answer the Tell The Truth Thursday question, enter the post URL that answers the question in the Linky below.

That's all done? Great. Good job! Way to go! Thank you!

Now will you please bring me some ice cream with chocolate syrup, whipped cream and a cherry on top?

That's too much? Well, I said please!!!

Tweet

Peeling Bark

There are many trees that completely shed their bark in the Spring. It almost looks painful with the slivers and large pieces of bark curling and cracking in all directions. It is obvious that the bark is in the process of completely separating from the tree and dying. On the flip side, it also looks refreshing since the new wood underneath is smooth, shiny and unblemished by the elements of weather.

When we are born, we are like the new, fresh wood of Spring, unblemished by harmful, self-destructive habits, dysfunctional behaviors or a bad attitudes. As the years pass, we make mistakes, hang on to poor attitudes and are caught up in habits that pull us down paths we eventually discover have led us to unhappiness.

Unlike the tree, we do not have to wait for the Spring to shed our old bark laden with self-destructive habits, behaviors and attitudes. At any given moment we can choose to peel off the bark, let it die and start anew with fresh change.

Often there is security in hanging onto the old bark. Behaviors are deeply ingrained in our psyche with subconscious motivators, but they still can be shed. Repeating an action creates a habit and self-destructive habits are very hard to peel away. Self-image and self-esteem really go hand in hand. It doesn't take much before we can find ourselves spiraling down a lonely path of self-loathing.

It is never too late to change and become a better person. Becoming unfettered by the habits that hold us captive or the attitudes that limit our progress is often a long process, but it always begins within us. Some people will look within, see the unhappiness, but choose to remain the same. Part of the reason is a fear that it will get worse instead of better or that it is impossible not to fail at changing. Others will choose to be a slave with their old bark intact because it is comfortable and familiar if not a little exciting and dramatic. I believe my friend, Sophia, fits into this category.

However, in order to progress, we must find the courage and will power to let go and peel. We may have to dig deep within to find strength to overcome all the things in our lives that drag down our spirit, motivation, self-image or positivity. There are self-help books and other people that can also help in this process, not to mention fervent prayer of which I believe strongly.

I encourage you to identify the old bark today and not procrastinate the day of change. Renewed happiness and fulfillment await you as you shed the bark and allow the new, smooth wood of self-assurance and freedom from subconscious manipulators of happiness.

Change is a wonderful peeling.



"All changes,
even the most longed for,
have their melancholy;
for what we leave behind us
is a part of ourselves;
we must die to one life
before we can enter another."~Anatole France~

Tweet

I Can Not Change Another Person

If I say...

"Please listen"

"Jerry Springer"

"Who is the Daddy?"

"She said, He said"

"Don't yell at me!"

"Law Enforcement"

Can you guess their commonality?

No? Well, that's okay because I'm going to tell you. All of the above share the same attribute, that of conflict and drama. Actually, where you find conflict, you will also find drama.

Drama is fantastic if you are watching movies like Air Force One, Twilight, Guns of Navarone, Braveheart, The Notebook, Gone With The Wind, and the list could go on and on, but you get the point. I love this kind of drama and conflict. Being taken away for a couple hours into a different world of intrigue is exciting because it is temporary fantasy and entertaining. However, it is only entertaining because I know it is temporary fantasy.

On the flip side, conflict in life is often not only unwelcome, it is involved in painful dramatic situations. We can not control everything that goes on around us, but we can control ourselves meaning the manner we speak to others, information we learn, places we visit, thoughts we dwell on, and people we choose to associate.

Women as a gender make a fatal relationship mistake...they think they can cha-a-a-ange their man. I want to tell you boldly and with a loud voice that YOU CAN NOT CHANGE ANOTHER PERSON. I'm sure everyone that needed to hear that message stopped reading at the last period and has already clicked the "x" in the top right hand corner to get away from my words, but I will continue anyway.

The person you are spending time with is the person you are spending time with and that's it. If you are being yelled at, physically abused, neglected, rejected, or cheated on over and over again, it will continue because YOU CAN NOT CHANGE ANOTHER PERSON. If you are hooked on the conflict and drama brought about by your mistreatment at the hands or words of another, more than likely, you need therapy or at the least, that person should be booted out of your life.

Do you have the tendency for drama? Are you hooked on the drama of another person's life to the point that your compassionate emotions are exploited for their gain? For instance, have you ever found a website requesting money with a long story of sadness attached? I'm not talking about The United Way or The Red Cross. In it's extreme form, the diagnosis is "Münchausen by Internet" which simply means that the internet user fakes an illness in order to obtain internet notoriety and money. This is the ultimate in internet drama and nothing short of the real life crisis can compare to the conflict or emotions generated by the continued escalation of tragedy.

Why are people so drawn to drama and conflict like moths to a flame? Why do we open our wallets and hearts so quickly during these episodes of unhappiness? I do not have the answers, but what I do know is that people who are phony online or in real life are eventually exposed. If we give to them honestly, we will have exhibited the best of humanity albeit in ignorance of the truth. Unfortunately, we should be wary. Do the homework to ensure that you are not being conned before you give funds in the mail or over the internet. If you enjoy being engulfed with conflict and drama on a blog, well, more power to you! However, if the tragedy or the people involved begin to encroach on your every thought and action, you might need to step back and regroup yourself.

I do not like real life, unhappy drama or conflict. In a way, I am a wimp. I like smooth, easy going relationships of equal give and take. When I call, I want to know that the person on the other end of the phone values a conversation with me instead of only talking to me out of obligation or not talking to me at all because they just let the phone go to voice mail all the time. If I have to beg someone to spend time with me, then obviously, the person doesn't value my company. So if we are begging for attention and our conversations are treated as chores, then why remain in the relationship? Remember, we have already covered that YOU CAN NOT CHANGE ANOTHER PERSON, so surely that wasn't the answer. If you just thought, "People change" then my only question to you is, "Are you young, healthy and rich enough for a long ride?"

Don't get me wrong because I am just like many others who see the good and overlook the unpleasant in other people. I really have to be pushed to the very, very edge before I simply cut someone out of my life and it doesn't happen often. However, I do not like conflict and drama because both usually bring pain. Let me be totally clear...I really dislike emotional pain, so I constantly tell myself with a loud voice in my head, I CAN NOT CHANGE ANOTHER PERSON.

Guess what? Unfortunately, I'm right.



"To love someone is nothing,
to be loved by someone is something,
but to be loved by
the one you love is everything"

Tweet

Some Things Never Change

Day after day, month after month, and year after year, some things just never change. Let me name a few in good fun:

1. car wrecks
   
2. hurricanes
   
3. men not asking for directions
   
4. children asking "Why?"
   
5. needing to take a bath
   
6. getting hungry
7. your mother giving advice
8. dishes that need to be washed
9. the sun coming up
10. blogging excitement

I'm not big on "change" of any kind. I like the same old thing...it is reliable and uncomplicated which I find comforting. Take for instance, a quilt. As time goes by, it gets softer and more used, but instead of being "old" it becomes even more comforting.

Image: Flickr poppalina
Image: Homeneeds
Image: RicRacAndButtons.etsy.com
So back to my list of things that don't change...

Blogging excitement?

Yes!

I have a couple wonderful blogging friends and one of them is Teresha at Marlie and Me. She has a handsome husband, beautiful child, wonderfully positive attitude, cute blog, and she is not only a loyal reader, but she sends me uplifting emails that often say just what I need to hear.

How does this relate to change?

Over time, I have accumulated a few awards from her and I'm excited to be able to share them with you now. However, like all blogging awards they come with RULES and that just doesn't ever seem to change nor does the fact that I break them all the time! I remember one of my first awards said, "Give to five other bloggers" and I gave it to twenty. So, as in the past I'm going to break the rules.

Don't you love me?

All of the recipients were taken from my other blog the PERSONAL JOURNAL where they are listed in the blogroll.


First up is the LEMONDADE STAND AWARD

Given by: Marlie and Me
The rules for this award:

• Put the Lemonade logo on your blog or within your post.
• Nominate at least 10 blogs with great attitude or gratitude.
• Link the nominees within your post.
• Let the nominees know they have received this award by commenting on their blog.
• Share the love and link to the person from whom you received this award.

Here's my list of recipients for this award:

1. Yaya Stuff
2. Too Many Heartbeats
3. Having a Hallelujah Good Time
4. Welcome To My World
5. Black Holes and Macrame
6. Unknown Mami
7. Happily Ever After
8. And Then There Was Me
9. Harriet
10. Transparent Mama
    

Next is the CIRCLE OF FRIENDS AWARD

Given by: Marlie and Me
The rules for this award are:

• Grab the award
• Post it on your blog along with 5 things you love to do
• And 5 other bloggers you want to recognize

Here's my list of the 5 things I love to do (LOL LOL LOL I really am good at math. I actually made an A+ in Calculus!):

1. Do anything with my daughter
2. Give to my family
3. Eat
4. Cook
5. Blog
6. Sew
7. Knit
8. Crochet
9. Embroider
10. Craft
    
11. Take photos
    
12. Read
13. Watch movies
14. Vacuum
15. Listen to music
    

Here's my list of recipients for this award:

1. Blue Cotton Memory
2. Kamp KK
3. Diviacity
   
4. Bombshell Bliss
5. Life with Kaishon
6. MelRrox
7. Gamma Sharon's Life
8. accidentally, kle
9. I Choose Bliss
10. Rose Haven
    

Last, but not least the HAPPY 101 AWARD

Given by: Marlie and Me
The Rules:

• List 10 things that make you happy, try to do at least one of them today
• Tag 10 bloggers that brighten your day. For those 10 bloggers who get the award, link back to my blog when you create your own "makes you happy" list.

Here's my list of the 10 things that make me happy:

1. Alyssa
2. Jesus
3. My family including Turtle
   
4. food
5. computer
6. music
7. sunshine
8. flowers
9. reading
10. good health
    

Here's my list of recipients for this award:

1. Life in the Second Half
2. Without Adornment
3. Blasian Baby Notes
4. Katherine's (a.k.a. Katie's) Corner
5. Thoughtfully Blended Hearts
6. Mushroom
7. Life With My Special K's
8. INFertile Myrtle
9. We got hitched...
10. On the tip of my fingers...
    

Phew! That was exhausting, but fun! Now I have to go notify everyone so they can enjoy the fun...

Tweet