Chuckle of the Day - Ticket From The Policeman

Laughter is important at any age, but when you get older and things on your body start retiring without your permission, humor becomes mandatory.

My Dad used to tell me jokes all the time and although he told me the same ones over and over, they were always funny the second and third time around. Anyway, I think you will get quite a chuckle from the next little story. Personally, I'm going to try to remember this one...it could be handy some day!

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day, a friend and I went into town and visited a shop.

When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.

We went up to him and I said, 'Come on, man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?'

He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him an "ugly pig” . He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn-out tires.

My friend took her turn at provoking the cop and called him a “disgusting and smelly cow pie”. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing more tickets. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it and went home.

We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired.

It's important at our age.

Wasn't that hilarious? Can you imagine what the real owner of the car will think if the policeman really leaves all those tickets on the car?

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DMV Thoughts While Waiting For My Turn

Going to the DMV (Department of Motor Vehicles) is not ever a fun excursion, however, this time was a little different for me. Maybe it was because it wasn't Saturday or because I didn't wait for three hours which is usually the norm.

Friday I rushed to get to the DMV and arrived ten minutes before closing. I found an empty seat and watched as the employees S-L-O-W-L-Y helped one person after the next. At 5:00 p.m. three windows closed immediately even though there was still many people left to see and assist. That aggravated me, but I decided that rather than sit and fume, I would try to find something positive or funny in the experience.

After a very short time, I had a hard time containing my laughter. So I am going to share a few of the thoughts that crossed my mind over a forty-five minute wait at the DMV. I was the next to last person helped, so that in itself was an experience!


Does everybody's pants stay in their crack all day with the person oblivious to the fact?

Doesn't all that material in their crack bother them?

How can people not pull all that material out of their crack?!!!?!!!

Obviously, this was quite perplexing to me.

I don't want my eyes to touch that thing you have to read through, so I'm never going to my license expire. I will always order it over the internet.

Too bad I hadn't been as vigilant in getting my registration renewed.



That lady is showing waaaaaaaay too much cleavage. Maybe she is going to be the DMV stripper and I'm so far out of the loop that I didn't know things have changed.

Why doesn't anyone smile?

I'm going to smile at everyone that looks at me.

Does that man realize he is rearranging his manly stuff in front of a whole room of people?

Why is it that the employees are really slow until it hits 5:00 p.m. and then they rush like crazy to get everything done after 5:00 p.m.?

16 stalls for employees to help us and only 8 working. This is as bad as Walmart.

I wonder if that DMV cop has ever had to pull his gun. It's not like someone is going to come in and say, "I'm robbing the DMV!"

It is stupid that people aren't allowed to smile in the driver's license pictures any more. Is this George Orwell's 1984?

Wow! I smiled at those two women and they just stared at me.

There are not any sexy men in this whole room. How can that be?!

I miss the eye candy of Texas men.

I wonder how long it has been since the man that just walked past me has taken a bath or used deodorant. He looks clean, but man, oh man, his odor could sink an aircraft carrier.

That girl is so young and yet her boobs are twice as big as mine. What am I doing wrong?!!!

I think I am boob obsessed.

I wonder if anyone is watching me look at her boobs. They probably think I'm perverted.

The last time I was at the DMV, the same cop had to escort a man out of the building because he was screaming and very angry.

I wish someone would make a scene because it is rather uneventful in here today.

That woman's phone call is quite boring and I know it is her husband. Does she really think that he feels all that inspired to come home to Cruella DeVille? Surely she must know that he had rather cut off his arm than listen to her go on and on about all the chores she has on "his list" for the weekend.

Should I tell the woman on the phone that she is really a witch and doesn't deserve a husband? Maybe not. I think waiting this long is making me mean.

Maybe I should just lean forward and tell her that everyone can hear her conversation and she isn't winning any points with the human race today.

Why do they call the numbers out of order? When did they start putting letters in front of the numbers. Maybe the employees really can't count.

I bet George Clooney never goes to the DMV.

I love the last picture on my post about white decorating stuff.

I'm glad I didn't go to that employee because she is adding her tape to close for the day and her money doesn't balance with her computer screen.

That boy is too young to drive. Surely he can't be 16 years old. Am I really that old now?

I wonder if anyone else in this room still has their Christmas tree up. I have got to take mine down this weekend. The neighbors must think I'm crazy as they drive by and see it lit in my front window.

Am I crazy?

I am not crazy.

What would the DMV cop do if I stood on my chair, waved this number in my hand and said really loudly, "When is it going to be my turn?!"

Okay, that would be crazy.

That man in the brown suit won't stop staring at every woman's butt that walks by or stands at the stalls being helped. I wonder if he does the same thing when his wife is with him.

I'm surprised there aren't any children in this whole room.

I wonder if people will link up to the Woo Us To Your Blog post this week. Should I start putting the words "Woo Us To Your Blog" in the title again?

Do they ever wash down these chairs? I'm glad I'm not wearing my glasses.

How many people have touched that pen today? this week? Ewww...I wish I had brought my purse instead of cramming everything in my pockets because I want to use my own pen.

I wonder what I'm going to make for dinner.

I just want to eat those cookies I baked. The pictures look so good plastered across my blog. Every time I want a cookie I can just go enjoy them in the pictures now.

Diabetes stinks.

It's not as bad as other diseases, so I should be thankful.

Is it ever going to be my turn?

That man's hair is cut crooked in the back. Do men ever look at the back of their head to check their haircuts?

I wonder if anyone in the room other than me drives 75 minutes to get their hair cut. Thomas, my hairdresser, is so worth the drive. I can't believe he has been cutting my hair for 11 years.

I can't wait to get my hair cut this weekend because it is feeling too long and hangs in my eyes.

Her heels have never been pumiced, I'm sure. She should read my blog about the importance of keeping one's heels looking good. I wish she would move a little so I could see if she is wearing a wedding ring. Oh my gosh, she is wearing a ring! She crawls in the bed next to a man with THOSE raggedy, hideous heels.

I can't believe it. Not only does she have hideous heels, her knit pants are wadded in her crack. I'm not gong to be able hold this laugh in if she doesn't hurry up and leave.

The woman has no manners at all. She just reached back, pulled all that material out of crack, shook her legs a little, pulled down her shirt, and did it all while standing in front of a room full of people.

I wonder if anyone else sits in the DMV thinking these crazy things.

Maybe I am crazy.

Yeah, I'm a crazy redhead like Lucille Ball.

Sheesh, now I hear Desi Arnez in my head saying, "You crazy redhead!"

When will it be my turn?!!! I hate waiting.

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Chuckle of the Day - Triskaidekaphobia

Do you suffer with triskaidekaphobia?

Pronounced like this: \triss-kye-dek-uh-FOH-bee-uh\

It is a noun and means "fear of the number 13"

If this is a problem for you, I thought I would help you with overcoming the fear.

Try this...

Every time you see the number 13, just think of how wonderful it would be to eat 13 fresh, hot, glazed Krispy Kreme doughnuts.



Maybe doughnuts don't really float your boat. How about 13 babies smelling of lotion and powder?



No? Perhaps 13 new pairs of shoes would be more to your liking?



All of them sound good to me and I don't even have triskaidekaphobia!







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Chuckle of the Day - Nine Words Women Use

Being a woman and actually knowing that a few of the following are even true in my case, I had to laugh out loud at these truisms...

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome'. That will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying, 'Just shut up!'

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3.

I won't say which of the above are true with me because I don't want to incriminate myself.




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Upside Down Exercise

Do I exercise? What makes you think I need to exercise? Surely it isn't the extra flab around my waistband or the way the skin at the underside top of my arms does that saggy wave thing.

Have you been peeking in my windows?

Just to put your mind at ease, let me assure you that I exercise just like this every morning...

Isn't this a Pilates ball?

Yeah, these large ribbon things are hanging in my living room.




While breakfast is cooking, I do this rather than just sitting.



By the time I get to this point, I'm barely winded
and haven't even perspired a bit.

Image: source

Surely you believe me, right?

I'm sorry I can't any write more. I've got to go make a chocolate milk shake..

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Chuckle of the Day - Purchase A Fire Hydrant

I hate to say it since so many of you practice being "green" with great success, but I am not very good at being a recycle-the-Earth person.

Please don't throw stones!

Since I was born in the South surrounded by beautiful, lush trees, I am very familiar with deforestation which is the clearing of naturally occurring forests by either burning or logging. I can not tell you the number of log trucks I have seen packed to the tippy top with huge trees. Of course, there have always been fires and when they start in the Dismal Swamp area, the thick layers of decaying material on top of the ground burns also. The decomposing accumulations can burn for days and sometimes weeks.

In June 2008, there was a fire that burned thousands of acres of the Dismal Swamp and obviously destroyed all the trees as it burned the deep organic soil for weeks. It was almost painful to see the aftermath.

You would think that living by such a catastrophe would change people's habits, but fires start every year because of carelessly thrown cigarettes or smoldering camp fires. All over the world deforestation occurs leaving in its wake, barren land.

Why are trees important?

• improve the quality of the air by trapping pollution
• prevent erosion and landslides
• increase wildlife by providing shelter
• assists in determining rainfall and moisture level which in turns creates clouds that block the sun's heat

I think I left one thing off which will definitely increase the production of fire hydrants...


And you thought I was going to remain 100% serious!

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I Spy Color

Do you remember sitting in science class hearing the teacher say, "This will be on the test" and so you immediately wrote it down?

One of those tidbits of information that is still committed to my memory is the order that the colors take in a spectrum of light. I'm not the only one that uses the popular mnemonic device which takes the first letter of each color and turns it into a name...ROY G BIV. That is the acronym which helps me remember not only the order but also the colors which are: red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet.

So much color in a scientifically organized way invokes the feeling of happiness.


We are not going to do this to Bella!

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Chuckle of the Day - Seniors

Since my mother sent this to me in an email, I thought that it would be fun to share it with you. I read them all and just laughed. They are just too cute and very funny.

Then it hit me...

Number three and sixteen are true for me!

Well, I guess I will just be forced to start doing number six.

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Peaceful in Curlers

Inner Peace...

If you can start the day without caffeine,

If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment ,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,

If you can relax without liquor,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,


...Then You Are Probably The Family Dog!

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Chuckle of the Day - Tech Support

Phone call to Tech Support....


On one call, the caller seemed to be taking an inordinately long time to complete each instruction she was given.

Agent: Ma’am, I can’t help noticing that every time I give you an instruction, it takes a really long time before you get back to me. Is your computer that slow?

Caller: Oh, no, it’s just the stupid, stupid design of this computer. Every time I want to click something, I have to unplug the keyboard to plug in the mouse. And then every time I want to use the keyboard again, I have to unplug the mouse. Because there’s only one jack.

Agent: Ma’am, you do realize that there’s a jack on the keyboard itself? You’re supposed to plug the mouse into the keyboard, and the keyboard into the computer.

Caller: Are YOU KIDDING ME!? Oh, wait a minute—yes, I see it now! Oh, holy cow. That’s going to be so much easier!

Agent: Just out of curiosity, how long have you been using your computer that way?

Caller: Six weeks!

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Free Lunch

First - take the tram up to the start of the trail.



Now follow the path on the wooden planks



Be sure to hold on to the 'railing' chain attached to the side



Be very careful when passing someone
going in the opposite direction.



Gets a little steeper here - so put your toes in the holes.



A few more steps to go. You might want to hold on



Finally in sight.



'THE RESTAURANT' !!!

This restaurant is in China
If you manage to reach the restaurant
the food is free.

Let me know how the food is.

I'm not going.

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