Pink or Blue?

Maybe you've forgotten my wonder and worry over being pregnant.

I didn't forget and in the back of my mind it continued to niggle me until I found out the answer.

I must admit that in private I entertained visions of babies. (my mother probably just fainted) You know that I read thousands of blogs and see so many beautiful babies, so do you really think that I can be totally unaffected by all those chubby cheeks, toothless smiles and cute clothes?

Thoughts such as, "Would it be a boy or girl? I already have a fantastically wonderful daughter, so maybe a boy this time around would be a fun switch. But girls and their frilly dresses are so fun! I would be happy with either...or both! Wouldn't that be fantastic!" (my daughter is probably freaking out)

Image: source
"What would I do at my baby shower? Who would I invite?"

Image: source
"Would everyone think I was insane or would they be happy for me?" (the men just said "insane" and the women said "how wonderful!")


The more I thought about it, the more I longed to be young and pregnant again, but wouldn't mind being old and pregnant either. I started to hope that I was pregnant. (my husband has passed out now)

Having a baby is not something I take lightly. I thought about all the pros and cons, but in the end decided that I know it would be better for me physically if I wasn't pregnant. That was such a hard thing to admit after blocking it mostly out of my mind for the last seventeen years. To find that the desire to continue the more "needy" type motherhood hadn't disappeared wasn't really a shock. I am very thankful for my daughter who is really a miracle, but "what if I could have one more" started to make me really wish again just like when I was twenty years old. I don't think those emotions will ever die inside of me.

I did find it interesting how "behind the times" I was when it came to a few things such as pregnancy tests. My pregnancy post comment box and email was filled with advice about types of at home pregnancy tests. I guess it was proof, as one reader stated, that I do not watch much television because I had no idea I could find out so quickly if I was pregnant! The miracles of science never cease to amaze me!

The mind with all the rational analysis was completely opposite the heart's ever longing desires for increased motherhood. However, it is sad to discover that the same hormones which go crazy when a woman gets pregnant also go crazy when she begins menopause. That is such a terrible realization. One marks the beginning of life and the other marks the beginning of the end. I don't think I could have been much more depressed and it continues to linger as I sit here all alone with everyone sleeping.

My family will be most shocked at this posting because I did not share my feelings with anyone for fear of ridicule. With my husband out of work, it would be quite difficult financially while physically it would be dangerous given my history and current health and age. However, once I had the thought of a possible pregnancy in my head, I started getting secretly excited. I was calm, nonchalant and even played it down whenever someone mentioned it, but inside was a whirling tornado of emotions and thoughts.

Now that I know I'm not pregnant and that my journey to older age is looming steadily closer, I feel I deserve some kind of gift to begin my journey out of one era of my life and into another. I would have received gifts at a baby shower, so I can't think of any reason why I shouldn't get one now. My husband needs to make of note of my wish...I would like a pink diamond ring resembling one of the rings pictured below. Pink diamonds are rather expensive, so when you get hired for a job, please refer back to this post if you need a reminder.





I also want a matching pair of pink diamond stud earrings.
I don't think that is too much to ask considering all that my body has been through for the last thirty four years and obviously will continue in its torment of my hormones. But most of all, it is a small token compared to a soft skinned, silky haired, powdered, lotioned, diapered, cooing, and smiling baby wrapped in a fuzzy blanket.

Tweet

Men's Meme - Late Life Pregnancy

It's that time again to have some questions answered from a man's point of view. The topic for the Men's Meme at Families Again is rather humorous. I am laughed when I first read it since it was based on my post last week. Tom is going to answer the question tonight, so you will all see how he feels about the whole issue. His comments will be in BLUE:

What would you do if your kids were grown and your wife told you that she thought...more than thought...was pretty sure that she was pregnant?

Well, I'd be more than just a little excited for so many reasons not the least of which is that I have (including my stepchild Alyssa) seven living children already. I had ten and lost three along the way. Since I'm not a woman and don't personally have to endure any health hazards, I would respond as I always have...with a hardy hail, "Yeah!"

To be honest, I'm not the least bit surprised at Tom's answer. I know Tom thinks he is Adam in the Garden of Eden with a goal of populating the whole world. Did I just say that about my husband?

As you probably already know, I have dreaded the empty nest syndrome from almost the moment Alyssa was born. I love being a mother and if I'm totally honest, I find true joy in being needed. Nothing is so sweet as the sound of Alyssa's voice saying from the other room saying, "Mo-om, can you come here a second? I need you."

Ahhhh. Those words are music to my ears and lift my soul to a supernal state of joy and happiness.

I had always hoped for more children and have been sad that it never happened. Nothing is better than the unconditional love of a child. Nothing feels as good as tiny arms wrapped tightly around my neck. Nothing is as fulfilling to me than being a mother.

When I was pregnant, before I knew the gender of my child, I received one little baby boy's outfit. Of course, it never got used because Alyssa was a girl It still hangs on a tiny hanger in my closet at the end of all my clothes. It's blue and white with little feet in it.

Snuggly like a baby.

Many times, all alone, I have taken it down and wondered what it would have been like to have another child. If my cup already overflows with Alyssa, I can not comprehend the euphoria of an additional baby.

Tiny feet.

Little fingers.

Dimples.

Toys.

Teething.

Firsts.

Scraped knees.

Blankies.

Smudges on the windows.

Doctor visits.

Cutting food into small pieces.

Sippy cups.

Diapers.

Soft hairbrushes.

Pink baby lotion.

Car seats.

Nursing.

Naps.

The list is almost endlessly filled with the things that make having a child delightful. The problem is my health and age are not prime for growing new life. The desire for a baby, however,...

will always be there...

a feeling that doesn't go away...

to feel the small life growing within is a heavenly experience.


I remember ever second.

BLOGNTWEET...
The forum for savvy women and men!
Join here.

Tweet

I'm Pregnant?

This requires a little explanation.

It took me ten years to get pregnant with Alyssa, my only child who turns17 years old this month on the 15th. Anyway, it was hard to get pregnant and I've never taken any kind of birth control. It was also very tough at the beginning of the pregnancy (that's another story) and an extremely difficult delivery (this is definitely another story). Thus, I was told to never get pregnant again because it could compromise my life and that of my unborn child.

How do you think a woman who wanted twelve children takes that news? (that is a process and yet another story or we won't ever get through this post). Yes, I would be like Michelle Duggar and love every second.

The good news is that I feel very blessed to have a fantastically beautiful and wonderful daughter. I've never had a problem keeping up with her energy which usually runs out before mine. That's saying a lot for someone my age up against someone who is an energetic teenager.

It helps that I don't require much rest. I hate sleeping and it is just a fact that has annoyed many during my lifetime. I find sleeping to be a huge waste of time, however, like everyone else, I too must sleep and I do. Lately, actually, I have been sleeping more than usual because I have been very tired.

Unusually lethargic.

I take vitamins every morning, faithfully. I take a Women's Centrum Silver, calcium, B12, vitamin C and some potassium. They get me up early in the morning and keep me going all day and into the late night hours. Since I haven't changed the combination of the supplements, I know that isn't the reason for the increased drowsiness.

I was chatting in my forum at BLOGNTWEET today and expressing my new condition because that's what I do when I can't figure out why I feel under the weather...

I complain.

Not often, but at least a little bit.

I'm not a very good patient either which should be obvious since I don't like sleeping. Usually getting over a sickness requires sleeping or at least resting in bed.

Anyway, while chatting with Colleen Luntzel, one of the active members at BLOGNTWEET, she said:

"Are you pregnant????"

I immediately blew it off and thought her question was rather funny, but it has niggled me all afternoon. I started thinking...

How do I physically and mentally feel?

Lethargic.

I have weird cravings such as bacon with cake, sweet pickles dipped in Texas Pete, and bony fish with hot sauce for breakfast.

I have a basic all-over-not-myself-feeling.

Am I pregnant?

After all these years could it have happened again?

What else could it be because I just can't get my mind around being pregnant at this point of my life.

I'm not going to work myself up about it because it is probably just coincidence (repeating this several times to myself).

However...

It has bothered me enough that I've made an appointment with my doctor for next week which is the earliest appointment available.

I better go talk to my husband and daughter now.

BLOGNTWEET...
The forum for savvy women and men!
Join here.

Tweet