34 Important Things In A Loving Marriage Or Relationship - Attributes Of A Successful Bond

I have earned the "Been There, Done That Diploma" and proudly display it on my living room wall in a huge gold frame with a light shining on it. I'm not perfect in a marriage or any other kind of relationship, but I do know many things that will enhance the bond.

I think all too often people approach marriage relationships unrealistically. They think that it will be white lace and roses every day. Actually, that is part of the problem - they don't think past the day of white lace and roses.








Love is a beautiful emotion. If more people practiced unconditional, selfless love, this planet would be entirely different. The best place to start improving our lives and the lives of those around us is to learn how to have successful relationships.


"He who wants a rose
must respect the thorn."~ Persian Proverb





Qualities and characteristics of a loving bond are easy to pinpoint because the relationship is happy, healthy and successful. I purposely did not put this list of attributes in order of importance because I wanted to keep disagreements down to a minimum (smile). Instead, they are listed by "length" of the word or phrase with the shortest being first. Nerdy way to do it, but I'm sure my listing method won't surprise you at all. So here are 34 important things in a loving marriage or relationship:

• trust
• loyalty
  
• respect
• honesty
• patience
• courtesy
  
• reliability
• gratitude
• forgiving
• friendship
• dedication
• faithfulness
• affectionate
• passion/sex
• commitment
• common goals
  
• sense of humor
• listens attentively
• agree to disagree
• common interests
  
• unconditional love
• open-mindedness
• emotional support
• not overly sensitive
• giving/unselfishness
• accepts without judgment
• willingness to communicate
• security/money/willing to work
• understands alone time/space
• expresses wants, needs and feelings
• keeps the relationship fresh/surprises
• time is set aside to do things together
• willing to negotiate and compromise/"win-win" attitude
• understands and accepts that there are definite differences in each person and that everything doesn't always make sense

I know that is a long list, but you don't have to be perfect to have a successful marriage or relationship. The "willingness" to work on it daily is the key. There never has been nor ever will be a union between two people that is perfect, but there are loving relationships that have many perfect moments.

Ahhh....perfect moments. That is why there are fairy tales. We long for the perfect moments in life. Well, they are possible, but there is hard work involved and a willingness to take the risk. In the end though, the perfect moments make it all worth it.


Love is like a rose: Long after the outer petals shrivel and fade, the most fragrant and intoxicating velvety softness can still be found.








Okay, breathe!

That post was so serious!

I will leave you now with a rose and a bit of levity by the First Lady of the United States (1933 to 1945)...


"I once had a rose named after me and
I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read the description
in the catalogue:
no good in a bed,
but fine up against a wall."~Eleanor Roosevelt





Happy Valentine's Day! May you always love and be loved.

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Enduring Passionate Love

Simply put, romantic love is a feeling of intense desire and deep, tender passion for another person.


I heard what you said.
I’m not the silly romantic you think.
I don’t want the heavens or the
shooting stars.
I don’t want gemstones or gold.
I have those things already.
I want…a steady hand.
A kind soul.
I want to fall asleep, and wake,
knowing my heart is safe.
I want to love, and be loved.~Shana Abé~

Captain Corelli's Mandolin is a novel by Louis de Bernières as well as a 2001 film starring Nicolas Cage and Penélope Cruz. From the film is a definition of romantic love...

"When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots are to become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the desire to mate every second of the day. It is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every part of your body. No... don't blush. I am telling you some truths. For that is just being in love; which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over, when being in love has burned away."

Yes, love is discussed daily, read about in books, watched in movies and listened to in music...

You'd think that people would have had enough of silly love songs.
But I look around me and I see it isn't so.
Some people wanna fill the world with silly love songs.
And what's wrong with that?
I'd like to know, cause here I go again
I love you, I love you,
I love you, I love you,
I can't explain the feelings plain to me, say can't you see?
Ah, she gave me more, she gave it all to me
Now can't you see,
What's wrong with that
I need to know, cause here I go again
I love you, I love you

Love doesn't come in a minute,
Sometimes it doesn't come at all
I only know that when I'm in it
It isn't silly, no, it isn't silly, love isn't silly at all.

How can I tell you about my loved one?
How can I tell you about my loved one?

How can I tell you about my loved one?
(I love you)
How can I tell you about my loved one?
(I love you)
I love you, I love you
I love you, I love you
I love you, I love you
I love you, I love you
You'd think that people would have had enough of silly love songs.
But I look around me and I see it isn't so.
Some people wanna fill the world with silly love songs.
And what's wrong with that?

And what's wrong with that?

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Tell The Truth Thursday - Sex

Welcome to "Tell The Truth Thursday" where the question that has been posted in my right side bar gets answered by me and you! Did you prepare your post and are you ready to drop your URL into the McLinky so that we all can follow? I hope so!

The question this week has several parts around a main theme:

Is there anything anyone could have told you that would have made your first sexual experience better? Do you think you would be better off if you had waited longer to have sex? If you had started earlier? Was sex what you imagined it to be?

I've talked to my daughter many times about this subject and not only the questions mentioned above, but other questions around this topic. Actually, I am more comfortable talking about sex with my child than I ever thought I would be as a mother. These Tell The Truth Thursday questions will help to put some of what I have expressed to her in writing in hopes that it willl be helpful to not only her, but maybe my grandchildren and their children some day.

I was twenty-one when I married Alyssa's father and our wedding night was the first sexual experience for both of us, so obviously we waited. I don't regret waiting at all because as I see it, what did I miss?

1. Boys talking behind my back in the locker room.
2. Diseases and/or viruses.
3. Teen pregnancy.
   
4. Emotional attachment heightened by sexual intimacy which upon "breaking up" would cause an even greater pain because of the close physical bonding.
   
5. Picking out the wrong person to be with because I let my lustful body think instead of my intellect.

I read lots of books about sex right before I got married (I guess that proves I'm a nerd), and I had read romance novels for years and years. I had an expectation of what the experience would be like and because I hadn't ever had sex before, I wasn't disappointed. How could I be disappointed when everything was new and exciting? We were both dumb or I should say inexperienced, so we didn't know anything one way or another and we learned together. I also didn't have to wonder if he was comparing me to anyone else in his head because there hadn't been anyone else for him either. That gave me a peaceful feeling of freedom. I feel it also contributed to our ability to relax and enjoy love in the relationship and our physical lovemaking.

I wanted to be a "virtuous woman" that had only been with my husband. That makes me "old fashioned" in today's morals, but old fashioned is sometimes better. Choosing a companion and spouse is hard enough without trying to ignore the physical attachment we begin to feel the moment we have sex. I believe that waiting is worth it.

I also believe that love and sex should go hand-in-hand. I was taught abstinence before marriage just like many other people of various religious backgrounds. I still believe that couples should wait. Does it always happen? No. Do I think everyone who has sex before they are married is going straight to Hell? No-o-o-o-o, of course not. I just believe that if a person can practice that much self-control before marriage, their commitment is easier to believe and there is less to worry about after they tie the knot.

A man and a woman, who have never met before, find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two are tired and fall asleep quickly - he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, he leans over and gently wakes the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replies. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!!" he exclaims.

"Good," she replies. "Get your own blanket!"

Of course, there's a whole lot more in a marriage than just sex, but we can talk about that later!

So what are your answers to the Tell The Truth Thursday questions and your thoughts on the subject of "shhhhh" sex?

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Men's Meme - Love At First Sight

The Men's meme question answered by Tom is below and his comments will be in BLUE:

How do you feel about love at first sight?

Being an expert in many things and certainly a legend in my own mind, I'm not afraid to answer this question...Well, I'll give it a try.


Love, being the operative word, requires a definition. Energy resulting from "love" can lead to life's greatest joy or crimes of passion. Few other experiences are as widely published and eagerly pursued.

So for definition let's characterize love (in it's broadest sense to include lovers, children, friends, and inanimate interests such as chocolate) as that rare emotion that can motivate one to place another's well being ahead of their own.

That degree of selflessness flies in the face of the next most noble and popular attitude...enlightened self-interest.

This altruistic experience of love can not be had upon first sight. It is only upon a structure of trust, above a foundation of understanding and acquaintance, that true love is born.

That said, titillating first impressions are a good start and may swiftly result in love.


In couple relationships, I believe that love at first sight is simply lust. Love is an emotion that takes time to cultivate and that is done by communication during shared experiences. It is not only wonderful, but necessary to find each other physically appealing, but there has to be more to build on than just lustful physical longings. When the new fascination is over, there needs to be other common elements between the couple which provides opportunities to grow mentally and spiritually in one purpose. Without other commonalities, lust will eventually fade leaving emptiness in it's wake. Lust is not love, however, love can lust.

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Men's Meme - Husband's Role

The Men's meme question answered by Tom is below and his comments will be in BLUE:

What top five responsibilities do you feel are important in fulfilling your role as a husband?

"How do you like that question?" I asked Tom.

I like that question. It is good.

1. Be available. Be quick to modify my schedule and drop my activities as needs be.

2. Be reliable. Say what you mean and walk your talk.

3. Be considerate. Pay attention and place your sweetheart's needs ahead of your own. Common courtesy goes a long way to win the day.

4. Be industrious, profitable and enterprising. Remember, we are the hunter-gatherer. Do not faint.

5. Attend to the physical, emotional and spiritual needs of your wife and children.

I can't believe I gave you this list. I know they are correct principles. Wish me luck.

Yeah, he should be worried now because I am going to refer back to this posting whenever I need validation. Of course, I didn't choose this question for the reason of using it in the future when the need arose (hiding my crossed fingers behind my back).

I would like to comment on #4 specifically. I believe that as women we often forget that men need to feel like our hunter-gatherer. It is important to their ego and self-esteem to feel that they have the responsibility and ability to care for us. It is in their DNA and we should allow them to fulfill this role.

In the present day, it often takes two incomes to support a family, however, women can still help their husbands take care of them. I believe in being independent, but I don't think that I have to do everything just because I can. I do not have anything to prove to anyone...most especially my husband. So if he wants to change the oil, wash the car, put air in the tires, fill the washer fluid, and buy the little stem covers for the tires, all I can say is "Go for it!"

I also feel that ultimately my husband has the responsibility for the family. We are his stewardship. I have my role and I do all that I can to make sure that everything flows from day-to-day, but Tom should fill all the gaps that I miss. Not only should he support me emotionally in all that I do, but physically Tom should stand beside me and help. I should have as much free time as Tom has for relaxing fun and he should help ensure that I do too.

Since we are also Christians, I feel that he should be the leader in spiritual matters such as having us pray together, attend church functions and read the written word of God. He is supposed to help his family learn of God and guide them back to Him in righteousness. That is my husband's ultimate responsibility in my opinion.

Well, that got a little heavy. What do you feel is your husband's main responsibilities in the family and to you?


"A man reserves his true and deepest love not for the species of woman in whose company he finds himself electrified and enkindled, but for that one in whose company he may feel tenderly drowsy."~George Jean Nathan~

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