Tell The Truth Thursday - Home Sweet Home

<a href="http://theredheadriter.blogspot.com" target="_blank"><img border="0" alt="Tell The Truth Thursday" title="Tell The Truth Thursday" src="http://i622.photobucket.com/albums/tt308/TheRedHeadRiter/284e144d.jpg" /></a>

Welcome to "Tell The Truth Thursday" where the question that has been posted in my right side bar gets answered by me and you! Did you prepare your post and are you ready to drop your URL into the Linky so that we all can follow? Grab the thumb above linking it back to this blog posting and let's get started...

The question this week is :

Where do you call home - city, state and/or country? What makes it special to you or do you dislike it terribly?

When Dorothy of the Wizard of Oz clicked her heels three times, it took her straight to Kansas - no detours and no questions asked. Confusion about where she belonged just never happened and throughout the movie she constantly was looking for a way to get back home.

Although I lived most of my life in Texas where I graduated from school and had my baby, I do not feel a "home" connection with the state. It is more like a best friend - comfortable and enjoyable to be around.

So does that mean I think Virginia is home? Actually, no. I say that because the longer I thought about this question, the more sure I have become as to what I consider to be home.

I will start with the Virginia thing first so you will get a picture of where I am geographically. I live in a very beautiful state in a city where I can drive two hours east to be on beach or two hours west to be in the mountains. How's that for variety? I'm surrounded by tall trees, gorgeous grass, a large variety of flowers, deer running freely, historical homes, museums, monuments, statues, ships, and all kinds of artifacts. There is a huge and famous cemetery downtown and it is always a very peaceful excursion that I enjoy over and over again. I'm glad Alyssa likes visiting graves because it is fun sharing it with her.

That brings me back to the task of identifying where I consider home. Let me give you my personal definition. Home is the place where:

• it is clean, organized and filled with light and happiness
• great smells, delicious food and constant laughter flow from the kitchen every day
• the bathrooms are like grand central station and even the dog wants to be in there no matter what I'm doing
• the sheets on my bed smell fresh and clean under a heavy quilt made from pieces of Alyssa and Brittany's dresses dating back to when they were little girls
• yappy barks from Bella can be heard anytime Alyssa gets in the shower because she wants to share in the experience
• there are more craft and sewing supplies than I can possibly use in a year
• people stand in front of an open and full refrigerator and say, "We don't have any food" or "I don't see the mustard" only because they don't bend over slightly to loooooook
• "Mo-o-om" can you bring me a towel!" wafts down the hall at least once a week
• photo albums filled with memories from some of the happiest moments of my life occupy a huge portion of the bookcase that I helped make when I was pregnant with Alyssa
• Turtle greets me every time I go through the front door and stands in the corner of the 55 gallon tank so that I can pet her head with my gloved finger
• I can feel comfortable with my hair up in a barrette and have a face void of makeup
  
• strange music escapes from under the crack in the door of my daughter's room
• sounds of songs played on the guitar that never get strummed to the end by Tom because he is "practicing"
• the volume of the television seems to magically get higher based on how loud I am and how much Tom and Alyssa want to drown out my noise
• loud snores akin to Fred Flintstone's raise the roof over Tom's side of the bed every night
• the phone can ring right next to people and I'm the one that is supposed to run across the room to answer it
• late at night when everyone is sleeping, I can stand close to her bed with a grateful heart and listen to the soft sounds of my child breathing

The old cliche, "Home is where the heart is" by Pliny the Elder means a whole lot more than just some sweet words thrown together. I feel home when I'm with those that I love and serve each day. Giving to them buoys my spirit, helps me feel needed, and gives me a sense of belonging to something greater than just myself - namely my family.

If Home is Where The Heart is ...

If Home is where the heart is
Then may your Home be blessed
A shelter from the storms of Life
A place of rest,
And when each day is over
And toil put in its place
Your Home's dear warmth
Will bring its smile
To light the saddest face!
~John McLeod~

Now it is your turn to answer the Tell The Truth Thursday question. Enter the post URL that answers the question in the Linky below and have fun checking out everyone's answers...

Share

Tweet

Housework Makes You Ugly

I can not escape the ever present chores needing to be completed. I have found that the easiest way to get the cleaning finished on a regular basis without being completely exhausted is to do a few Monday through Friday leaving Saturday and Sunday free. I find this method to work great.

If you don't remember how I feel about cleaning, check out The Tale of a Clean House.

Anyway, lately with my overly tired condition which I'm not going to worry about even though I keep thinking about it, I haven't felt like cleaning.

I know, I know, don't faint.

I don't want anything dirty, but I am too tired to clean.

My husband doesn't clean the house. He thinks his job is to dirty it so that I can clean it. I think he is still stuck in some kind of time warp where women were a man's servant. Well, that's how it feels anyway.

About twenty years ago I went to the Plano Balloon Festival in Plano, Texas. I love watching hot air balloons and hearing the rush of the air and fire filling the HUGE parachute type balloons..

It is so exciting just thinking about it!

At the balloon festivals, there are always vendors selling homemade crafts. At one such event, I purchased a wooded figure holding a heart that says, "Housework makes you ugly."

The heart is cute, the doll is basically...ugly...on purpose. I mean really, look at her atrocious hair!


She is always staring at me from the kitchen as a reminder that each time I clean, I take on the uglies. It's true! I do things like put my hair up in a barrette so it won't hang down in the toilet or get in my way to see when I bend to dust the furniture. Don't you do that too? When I vacuum the baseboards, it is work! Often I am sweating because I'm trying to hurry and get it done before I poop out. Cleaning baseboards, air conditioning vents and washing windows is manual labor and exercise. Did I ever tell you that I don't like exercising?

It would be so much easier if my husband was motivated to do chores. My stepfather and brother-in-law not only do chores, but they cook! My husband doesn't get the hint. I have almost given up on finding a way to encourage his participation in home cleanliness. I feel doomed to a lifetime of being a maid. Surely that isn't why I was put on this earth! So if you have some suggestions, short of hiring someone else, living in filth or banishing him from the house, I am very excited to hear them.

What do you think I can do to effectively convince him to clean too? How do you motivate your spouse to help you out and pick up their own mess? Is this just a basic trait of all men from his generation? I wonder if George Clooney is neat and tidy because if not, that would sure wreck my fantasy!

BLOGNTWEET...
The forum for savvy women and men!
Join here.

Tweet

When It's Over...

It's a little sad.


Tweet

The Nothing

Life happens.

We are all so different. Really, think about it. There are not two people living on this planet that are exactly alike...and yet, we are also very much the same. As you are driving or being driven, have you looked at all the people in the cars and thought this...

None of them know each other. They are all going home and they know a whole different circle of friends and family. They have a job. They will eat dinner, go to bed...just like me. We all do similar activities: laugh, cry, sleep, eat, cook, watch TV, go to the movies, shop for groceries, clean our homes, raise children, interact with friends, love family, play with our pets, anticipate holidays, have flat tires, get computer viruses, people we love pass away, have automobile wrecks, lose too much weight or gain too much weight, we are afflicted with diseases, worry about our future, have our heart broken, have someone betray our trust...and the list could go on and on.

As different as we may be than one another, we are very much alike and share common hopes, dreams and disappointments. Most people want the same things...love and happiness.

The definition of hope is:
A belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one's life. Hope is the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best.


The definition of abyss is:
An immeasurably deep gulf or great space; intellectual or moral depths; dark place of despair.


What happens when we lose hope and fall into an abyss? At one point or another, each of us suffer a terrible and devastating pain that we must face. Did you ever see "The Never Ending Story"?

This excerpt applies to all of us and we should prepare ahead of time so that we can successfully cope with tragedy.

There are several very powerful thoughts in the clip...


"...because people have begun to lose their hopes and forget their dreams so the nothing grows stronger."

"The nothing is an emptiness that's left, it is like a despair destroying this world."

"People who have no hopes are easy to control."

"Whoever has the control, has the power."

Image: Falling Into Darkness by rackelstar
To view it larger, click HERE
Who has the control and thus the power in your life? When we fall into an abyss, how do we get out? A few self-helps...

• Exercise 30 minutes per day
• Sleep 7-9 hours per night
• Eat a healthy diet high in fiber and low in fats, choose slow-burning complex carbohydrates, eat omega-3 fatty acids (like salmon and herring), increase B vitamins and chromium, and don't skip meals
• Socialize more with family and friends
• Reduce your stress
• Listen to your self-talk and dwell on the positives instead of the negatives
• If you are light sensitive, ensure you get plenty of light each day
• Read self-help books
• Start or work on a hobby
• Volunteer your time and energy to help others
• Seek medical attention and/or counseling

Someone a while back read my blog and hit upon a posting that wasn't "uplifting" and said,"I'm so glad you wrote this because I've been thinking you lived a perfect life and never had any struggles." I stared at his comment for a while and wondered if I did sound "out of touch with reality" as he put it. So that you don't think I live in la-la land, life has not and is not always "golden" for me. I have fallen into the abyss several times. I guess that is why I can relate so well with the character in "The Never Ending Story." I know that attitude is half the battle. If you can't convince yourself that "it is going to get better" then there is no way that anyone else can make you believe it.

“Through humor, you can soften some
of the worst blows that life delivers.
And once you find laughter,
no matter how painful
your situation might be,
you can survive it.”
~Bill Cosby~
I'm not a laughy, laughy, smiley, smiley person. I'm reserved and most of the time keep to myself which means I'm not a party girl. I find my home to be a haven where I can be me without fear of ridicule because when I am among "others" I tend to be self-conscious and self-deprecating. I know I shouldn't compare myself to other people, but I just can't help it. My thoughts go something like..."Oh my, she is so beautiful. I wish I had her tan. I'm so freakin' pale...He is so smart. No wonder everyone finds him interesting. I wish I had gone to college longer....She speaks three languages. I barely can write one...." You see what I mean? However, I find freedom in writing and the person deep within me becomes uninhibited and comes out. The writer is who I want to be all the time "without" having to fake it in public. One-on-one I am fantastic...LOL...but throw me in with a bunch of people and I put on the fake confidence and smile until I can relax and talk myself into being okay. It gets me through the situation and honestly, no one can tell that I'm faking it. Sounds silly. I think part of this "everyone is looking at me because I am so stupid and ugly" attitude is that I have low self-esteem and the other part is that when I had orange hair, everyone was looking at me! It kind of set the pattern for my behavior. Click here and you will see...

Strange that no matter what the facts are in your head, the self-talk can ruin it for you because it is so powerful and that is why I wrote in an earlier post to talk to yourself in the mirror. You have to convince yourself first of your value and worth before you can progress. Not bragging, but I am not a stupid person, however, I have to tell myself all the time that "I am not stupid." Really, how stupid is that? I'm sure that I'm not the only one with this problem because as much as we sometimes hate to admit it, women as a whole have this problem. We can talk ourselves completely into the ground without anyone else's help. It is the same with The Nothing. We need to be vigilant at seeing the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. Our hopes and dreams depend on us. Dream big with high hopes. MAKE yourself believe it. You are in control of YOU and therefore, you are in control of your future.

“What seems to us as bitter trials
are often blessings in disguise”
~ Oscar Wilde~

Sources include:
Wikipedia
Merriam-Webster Dictionary
Rackelstar


Tweet

A Contest, the Birth and My Life

Do you remember when I said that my blog was giving birth to multiples? Well, the babies are overdue, but I'm pretty sure they will be delivered naturally the weekend of October 10th. It has been an arduous pregnancy and I think my family is ready to either commit me to an asylum forever or visit me in the cemetery. To their defense, I have been rather obsessive; however, there just isn't enough time in one day! My natural body clock is more like "stay awake twenty-four hours, sleep eight." Obviously, that isn't how the world turns nor is it very conducive to my family's schedule.

The contest will be fun and the giveaway is exciting. I have not only received products from vendors, but I have been shopping. I wanted the whole experience to be "grand" which meant I couldn't have cheap gifts. I've been stashing everything together, so tonight I pulled it all out to look at and added up the value. Wow! The prizes total over $260 so maybe I will split them in half and have a second contest to share the wealth. How does that sound? I think that will be a great way to celebrate the blog birth and then "take a temperature" a few weeks later!

I was looking at the past five months of blogging...I can't believe it has already been five months! It has been only one month since I announced my impending blog birth and THAT feels like it has been much longer. Pregnancy feels that way though, doesn't it?

I remember wanting to conceive a child. It seemed that everyone around me was having one, two, three or more children. My sister and niece lived with me and I had the privilege of playing an important role in both of their lives. The little redheaded girl I write about named Brittany is my niece. Everyone in real life has always mistaken us as mother-daughter and we just go with the flow and I love her like a daughter anyway. It was especially helpful when I had to rush her to the hospital one night because they treated her immediately thinking that I was her mother. My sister wasn't ever jealous because I have been like a mother to my sister too. As a matter of fact, I even mother my mother because I mother everyone! Anyway, obviously my home wasn't "childless" and I did get to enjoy the thrill of so many of Brittany's "firsts." Actually, we started living together when Brittany was close to two and finally moved out from under the same roof when she was twelve. I love them both dearly and cherish all the wonderful memories.

Even with the thrill of having Brittany, my arms and heart ached for a baby. Going to church on Mother's Day or watching the young children sing during the service eventually became an impossibility. The pain was just too great. When I read of the struggles of so many women who are trying to have a baby, my thoughts and prayers go out to them. I had just about given up on ever becoming pregnant and then one day I told myself that I didn't get married because I wanted a "sperm donor" and that I could have a happy life without a child. After "mostly" accepting that fact and almost ten years of marriage, I finally was blessed to conceive and give birth to my sweet daughter Alyssa. That is truly the greatest and most wonderful part of my life. I can say that because from the age of four, the ultimate accomplishment in my mind for me was "motherhood."

Today, I am still a mother, but my marriage suffered and ended in divorce. Several sweet ladies blog about the pain of recent divorces. I feel your agony and depression as you write about your deepest emotions. Life is hard and feels almost impossible when faced with this trial. No one and nothing brings comfort or peace of mind. There is an overwhelming feeling of failure, regret, sadness and depression that is almost too much to bear. But there is no choice other than "bearing it" and living each day...one minute and sometimes one second at a time.

Now that Alyssa is fast approaching the age of seventeen, I am overwhelmed at the speed at which time has passed. I've been with her more hours and minutes than most parents spend with their children (per Alyssa as she compares her life with her friends' lives) and yet it hasn't been enough. That sounds very selfish, but hey, I'm human. I have worn many "hats" in my life, but none have been more fulfilling than being Alyssa's mother. I want to thank her for being patient with my inadequacies and shortcomings.

Being an older mother has its advantages. I have so much patience and enjoy every little thing Alyssa has done from creating a squishy diaper which leaked all over her prissy, ruffled dress, inside her tiny black patent leather shoes, on the recliner, and then plopped and spattered on the floor when I stood up to make my way to the bathroom to clean her; finding her name written with blue crayon in letters twelve inches high on the wall behind the bathroom door and hearing her tell me the reason for doing it was so that she could see her name written really big; finding V-shaped scissor cuts under the arm of the chair and in the lace table cloth on the dining room table, one made by Brittany and one made by Alyssa at different times and different days, but both because they wanted to see what it felt like to cut "real" material; and walking into the kitchen to find that both Alyssa and Brittany were standing precariously on the counter tops searching the cabinets for hidden silly putty. Honestly, I laughed during all of them because these things are just a part of life and looking back, they are hilarious. Why not find humor in gagging at an obnoxious diaper or trying to get vomit chunks out of the carpet? Motherhood is one of the most rewarding experiences this life will ever afford me even with all the messes.

For all my blogging friends who are suffering from loneliness, depression, disease, divorce, death, childlessness, and basic unhappiness, I extend to you my friendship and one quote of wisdom...

"Do not let what you cannot do
interfere with what you can do."
~John Wooden, They Call Me Coach~
On September 15th, I asked, "Are You Beautiful?" Did you internalize the information you found in that posting? I tried to convey the same message earlier when I uploaded many pictures of "Naked Women" art by the masters. We are all beautiful and special. We all have talents that make us unique. Surely you are convinced of that after reading Courage and Uncommon Valor, Willard Wigan-Hopeless Failure?, Are You Amazing?, Not Just An Egg, and even the strangeness of Pete Goldlust-Crayons and Mutations.

As you wait a little longer for my blog to give birth and for someone to win fab-u-lous gifts, think about your own uniqueness and ways that you can add value and happiness to others that are less fortunate. We are all in this together, whether we want to be or not, so let's make it as pleasant a journey as possible for one another.

"You can gain more friends by being yourself than you can by putting up a front. You can gain more friends by building people up than you can by tearing them down. And you can gain more friends by taking a few minutes from each day to do something kind for someone, whether it be a friend or a complete stranger.
What a difference one person can make!"
~Sasha Azevedo, American Actress, Athlete and Model~

Photos of my Alyssa 1993

Tweet

Qualities of a Good Mother

On the riverbank...
In the Arctic...In Africa...In India...In the Ocean...and on land...What was she thinking?!!!

According to the Globe, the new gorilla below is shown at fourteen weeks old in 2005. The baby Western Lowland Gorilla born at the Franklin Park Zoo is held by it's mother Kiki, 23. The sex of the baby had not been determined yet since Kiki, being such a good mother according to zoo officials, has kept them from getting close enough to determine the sex.
(John Tlumacki/Globe Staff)
According to Irvin Frank of the St. Petersburg Times, August 23, 1962, the qualities of a good mother include:

1. The mother is interested in, but not dependent upon, literature on raising her children.
2. The mother has "very solid, good memories of her childhood." She would not be the type of mother who had an unhappy childhood and tries to compensate by giving her child everything.
3. The mother should have a capacity of talking to children in such a way that true communication takes place.
4. A good mother can handle children of different ages.
5. The good mother has no career ideas. She can work as long as the work does not become an end in itself and does not compete for the interest of the mother.
6. A good mother will - if necessary - spank the child at the moment the child does something wrong.

Imagine if that was printed in a newspaper today. It makes me laugh to think of the phone calls, letters, and emails the paper would immediately receive.


What qualities should a mother have according to what we have decided in 2009?

1. The ability to ♥love♥ her children unconditionally.
2. Will listen and listen and listen and listen and not judge.
3. Is unselfish with her time, talents, resources and attention.
   
4. Has an abundance of patience.
   
5. Is confident in herself.
   
6. Loves herself and has a great self-image. (Where have I heard this one before?!)
   
7. Encourages and assists their child to set out on their own path regardless of the mother's desires.
8. Shows disapproval when she feels that the child has done something wrong and has punishments/redirections that match the mistakes.



9. Stands up for her own beliefs and remains consistent in order to gain respect.
10. Has a great sense of humor and doesn't let the small stuff wreck her mood.
    
11. Is not ashamed to ask for help from friends and family.
12. Treats each child as an individual.
13. Ignores the experts most of the time and does what is right for her own child. (I think I have scored 100% on this one.)
14. Has responsibility that enables the child to live in a safe and happy environment.
15. Sets limits and sticks to them so that the child will have the peace that comes with knowing consistent boundaries.
16. She nurtures herself so that she has the physical and mental ability to take care of the child.



17. Compassionate. Empathetic. Sympathetic. Understanding.
    
18. Knows the whereabouts of her child.
19. Ability to budget the income and money.
20. Is involved with their school and friends...knows their friends.
    
21. Has a sense of playfulness. She is fun and can be silly and ridiculous sometimes.
22. A motivator. The child's number one fan and cheerleader.
    
23. She is clear and concise. Lectures are left as punishment...HA! HA! (I have perfected this one!)
    
24. Takes the time to teach the child.



25. Is an honest woman.
26. Speaks with a kind voice void of ridicule, shaming, or accusations and does not scream at the child.
27. Involves the child in family decisions to show that the child's opinion is valued and uses the opportunity to teach the child principles that she is trying to instill.
28. She is always available and the child knows it.
29. Respects the child.
30. Stays "current" in styles, music, literature, events, etc.
31. Provides service to others and gives the child opportunities to do the same.
32. Pays attention to the child.
    
33. Loves God and lives the type of life that reflects it.

I know that this doesn't include everything and does include some things that you don't agree with so feel free to comment and also to discuss in the BlogFrog Community here.

Resources used:
Families.com
Yahoo Answers!
Web MD
Advice.com

Tweet

The Tale Of A Clean House

By now I believe most people have seen at least a few minutes of Clean House.


The "dirty house people" on this television show totally blow me away. I can not imagine living in homes that are that cluttered, messy and dirty. How do they ever find anything?

When a house is clean, there is a peaceful, easy feeling. Now you're thinking about the Eagles song and it is going to be stuck in your head until you hear it again. I won't make you suffer...play the song while you are reading the rest of the posting.


Where was I? Oh yes! A nice clean home also inspires creativity. Most of the time I think we start out feeling like "Can't it wait?"


Since a clean house doesn't get that way by itself, we pull out all the cleaning products and like Cinderella, we are transformed. We definitely don't feel beautiful or appreciated.


I'm sure that the world has men making most of the decisions in marketing cleaning products. Television commercials and magazine ads would try to sell us on the idea that we look happy while cleaning. I know I usually am not smiling while scrubbing up everyone's grime.


Who exactly is fooled by this advertising? We know how we are really feeling not only on the inside, but also the outside persona.


The messes are continuous and just when we think we have everything under control, we find something else to clean.


Most men can not appreciate the effort required to clean up after an entire family. They still see us through a man's eye which equates cleaning with a different kind of attire.


The only way I would be blissfully happy while cleaning my house was if I knew that Mr. Clean...


...was in the other part of my house with my husband...


...or that my husband had contracted a weird virus that forever changed his point of view.


So if I can't sit around and read while he cleans the house (which is what he does when I'm cleaning)...


...then I'm not going to be filled with smiles...


...and I definitely won't be attired like a pin up girl.


Maybe I need to adjust my attitude. I will work on that....let's see...I will just try to stay focused while I'm sanitizing my home and imagine a world where men are househusbands.


And I will keep my mind filled with positive thoughts to help get through the mundane tasks which I perform with love for my family.


Before I know it, my duties will be complete and once again I will be surrounded by cleanliness and organization.


I hope I don't wake up any time soon.


Now where was I? Oh yeah, I remember...






Tweet